I realize that most of my posts skim over the bad and focus on the good. It's not to try and project some perfect family image, but rather, it's much harder to discuss the hard stuff, and who wants to read a debbie downer post? Well, if you don't, it's time to move on from today's post.
Being a mother is hard, being a mother of two is harder. I can't even imagine how people with more than two do it. Or single parents. Each day seems to be filled with the constant struggle to stay on schedule. Must get up before baby wants to eat to shower, feed baby, finished getting dressed, feed dog, get Sullivan eating breakfast and getting dressed, make bottles, feed baby again before running out the door to make school drop off for Sullivan. Read between those lines: keeping Sullivan focused on his tasks, dealing with whining, getting spit up on right after getting dressed, etc, etc...When we get home from work and school, usually around 5:45 or 6:00, we begin again. Rush to get some sort of dinner on the table, bath kids, feed baby (for like an hour cause she likes to fill up before bed), read to Sullivan and try and get him lights off by 8pm, get Evie down for the night. Rinse and repeat, Monday through Friday. It's exhausting and I'm so thankful Evie is a good sleeper or I'm not sure I would make it!
When is our quality time in between the rushing and the schedules and the have to dos? I can remember struggling with this with Sullivan when he was a baby. I guess we save it for the weekend, but that doesn't seem like enough. Even our weekends are filled with things to accomplish and places to be. I mention this because Sullivan has been having some rough days at school (and sometimes at home). Some days he's great and some days, the teacher is calling me by 10 am because he's not following directions, hitting, having meltdowns. He is very sensitive and gets his feelings hurt very easily. He is also a perfectionist. If he can't do something perfectly the first time, he gets upset and is very hard on himself. We are trying to emphasize using words to express how we are feeling rather than acting out, but it's a hard lesson to teach and to practice. Because it seems to be one extreme or the other, I've been wondering if it's possibly tied to foods he eats. I'm about to read this book to see if I can find any correlation. We've definitely seen him go crazy after red40, so I already try to keep him away from that. I try and limit sugar exposure as well, but sugar is hiding in all kinds of places. With a picky eater, finding healthy foods he will eat is a daily struggle.
I feel so much guilt about what Sullivan is going through. He is so freaking smart and he's a leader and very independent, but it kills me when his teacher calls about his behavior.What did we do wrong? How do we give him the tools he needs to handle his emotions in a positive way? Would he be having these bad days if I had stayed home with him more or if I had time to cook home made healthy meals every night? I know every parent feels guilt about one thing or another, but dang, it sux. I've read other books and lots of articles on parenting to try and be more proactive, but so far I haven't found the magic key. Maybe it's just a phase (granted, a long phase). I'm willing to do whatever I need to help him, if someone could just tell me what that is!
I'm also struggling with the guilt around breastfeeding. I know, I know. She would be fine on formula, but I have this desire to exclusively breastfeed her as long as I can. 1. Evie is our last child, and I want to cherish this time because it will be over in a flash, 2. I really believe it's better for her, 3. it saves us a ton of money to not buy formula. But it is freaking hard to keep up while working full time. Finding time to go pump 3 times a day at work and crossing my fingers I get enough to make the bottles for the next day is stressful. I'm lucky to have a nice set up at work to be able to go pump 3 times a day. Now I just need a cheerleader to help me remember that I can do it and my body can produce enough milk for her and it's worth it! Go boobies!
My poor husband gets almost no attention since I go to bed about 30 minutes after the kids most nights. I know this too will pass, but I need a vent day.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
I feel your pain mama bear. I think your jumped inside of my head and read all those thoughts aloud....from my brain.
You are doing a great job. You are a super duper awesome mom. Go boobies.
See, I could have told you all these things a month ago when you posted, but I'm just now reading this...because us moms don't have time...being a mom is hard and time consuming. Time does not exist anymore. Unfortunately time with husbands and friends seem to vanish and the hours of the day are sucked away in some vortex that isn't visible to the human eye.
You aren't a Debbie downer, you're a mom - trying to figure things out. All the things you expressed are normal. What we do about the answers to these things? Hell little mama, if you figure it out let me know.
Just wanted to let you know I love you and you are boombostic and a good mama with good boobies!
Hey! I mentioned earlier tonight that I tried to post a comment last week but it didn't work on my iPad... You are doing a wonderful job as a mother of two! Lord knows it isn't easy to raise kids, work, and maintain a household. Plus we are supposed to fit "fun" and romance in there somewhere... You are doing a great thing for Evie by giving her breast milk. And yes, the cost savings help, too! I of all people know how hard it is to stick to the pumping schedule and hope you get enough milk. It is stressful and monotonous, but you are so right. It doesn't last forever! Months go by slowly when you are counting them in pumping sessions... But in the big picture you will remember the time as precious. Please don't stress too much if you come up short a little milk or have to skip a a session. Any breast milk that you can give her is good! Keep it up and call me anytime if you need me to go get you lunch or anything!
Hi Susan! This is how bad I am that I haven't caught up on you in this long, but I had to respond to this post and tell you: This is a freaking hard job and you are so much more incredible than you're giving yourself credit for! You are amazing, and your kids are so blessed -- so I hope you are feeling better than you did in this post most days. It's hard. Really hard.
Like Ashley was saying yesterday: get your fight on and just keep playing the game. Just keep going back in the ring. It'll get easier in some ways (like one day you'll wake up and wonder how your kids got so self sufficient -- in SOME ways) and harder in others (like why the hell do they schedule a double-header away softball game for 4-5 year olds on my other kids' first communion weekend?).
Anyway: we all feel the way you're feeling. Exhausted. Spent. Guilty. Exasperated. But then we also feel so full of love and emotion for these families we've helped to create. Hold on for the ride!
I'm reading Carry On Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton -- you might like. Self-help books always seem to make me end up feeling bad about myself more than they help me, I think. I'm betting Sullivan's behavior stuff is a phase, like you've said. Keep trying to work with him to express his frustrations in healthy ways like you're doing -- but don't get too "wrapped around the axle" (a Rayburnism for ya) about it. Keep showing up. Pray.
On-on, friend!
Post a Comment